put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
