I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
