rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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