the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
