I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
