Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
