Will you blow on my dice?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
