some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
