Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
