Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
