If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
