oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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