your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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