We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
