mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
