We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
