The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
