i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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