I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
