Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
