I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
