he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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