I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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