I love black thongs
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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