I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
