Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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