Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
