My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
