I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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