I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Less talking, more tequila
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
