So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
how do flat chested girls get laid?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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