i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
