we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
