True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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