Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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