he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
