Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize