I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
