I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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