when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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