I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
