I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think your dad took our porno
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
