since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
