i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
