She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
