The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
