Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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