dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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