My room smells like vodka and shame
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
