i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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