I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need a beard to bite.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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