Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
