smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
