if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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