Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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