Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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