No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
