At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
