I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My breasts were aching with rage.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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