Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
