dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
