the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
