apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
