my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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