I accidentally burped into my bong.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
